The Hindu philosophy says that detachment is the first step towards moksha (according to me, it is self discovery and a deep understanding of self). Detachment from worldly pleasures that include materialistic things and sensual desires. It says that what starts as attachment leads to desire, to anger, to delusion, to confusion and finally stress! So stay away from it and become a supreme being with ananda (immense joy) as your sole companion.
While I agree that we need to mantain a certain distance from everything/everyone, I also feel there is no fun in life if there is no attachment. I don't use fun in a light manner here. What I mean is that attachment is also a path to self discovery with all its travails and triumphs. With attachment comes a gamut of emotions which define us humans and the power to survive each of them and then look back and analyse is what makes us alive. They are like small stepping stones to reach a place where you can control your self and accept you for who you are and others for what they are.
All this background is written because I want to write about a few relationships in my life that have changed me forever. Every relationship in life is built on years and years of companionship, trust and love. Parents are by far the most easiest because they share something with their children that can't be expressed. Come what may they can be trusted and relied upon. Almost always! And I think one's siblings also go a long way just because of the sheer amount of time we spend with each other. Growing up together can have a profound influence and it's a string not easily detachable.
There are others like friends, uncles, aunts, cousins, lovers with whom we sometimes choose to build relationships that are strong, emotionally draining and time consuming. When the going is good and there is reciprocation, it is sheer bliss. The feeling of having someone or so many to fall back on, to share your joys, sorrows and trepidations, to have expectations and to experience those expectations being met, is incredible. This phase of attachment helps you form memories on which you can always dwell and rejoice. It brings faith in humanity with it and optimism. It opens doors to personalities of different people and makes you appreciate that we are not all the same. We learn to accept and love.
Now when the going gets rough, it is still manageable. When people so close move away, or choose paths that may push you further away from their priority list, or die, it is tragic and heart wrenching but it is still not the end of the road. Sometimes we understand why it is so and give them their space, sometimes we get angry and demand answers. When we hear their side of the story, most often we realise that they had their issues and everyone needs space. With death, it is much easier because you have great memories to live by and you can't really be cross with someone who is dead, no :)
The worst way a relationship can go is come to an ABRUPT halt! I know that all relationships are not meant to last but it is easier to go through such break ups when there is communication. All it takes is one line of explanation. But I have experienced this twice in my life, when people, close people just stopped talking, communicating and boy! it is frustrating, annoying and simply irreconcilable. It is like leaving you hanging in mid air. You don't know what to think, you don't know if you should be angry or just give the person his/her space. You don't know if you should wait or go discuss. But I think over time, a long period of time, you forget and forgive. Probably that's the only way to deal with such situations.
Have any of you experienced this kind of "breaks"? Tell me how you dealt with it or are still dealing with it...
While I agree that we need to mantain a certain distance from everything/everyone, I also feel there is no fun in life if there is no attachment. I don't use fun in a light manner here. What I mean is that attachment is also a path to self discovery with all its travails and triumphs. With attachment comes a gamut of emotions which define us humans and the power to survive each of them and then look back and analyse is what makes us alive. They are like small stepping stones to reach a place where you can control your self and accept you for who you are and others for what they are.
All this background is written because I want to write about a few relationships in my life that have changed me forever. Every relationship in life is built on years and years of companionship, trust and love. Parents are by far the most easiest because they share something with their children that can't be expressed. Come what may they can be trusted and relied upon. Almost always! And I think one's siblings also go a long way just because of the sheer amount of time we spend with each other. Growing up together can have a profound influence and it's a string not easily detachable.
There are others like friends, uncles, aunts, cousins, lovers with whom we sometimes choose to build relationships that are strong, emotionally draining and time consuming. When the going is good and there is reciprocation, it is sheer bliss. The feeling of having someone or so many to fall back on, to share your joys, sorrows and trepidations, to have expectations and to experience those expectations being met, is incredible. This phase of attachment helps you form memories on which you can always dwell and rejoice. It brings faith in humanity with it and optimism. It opens doors to personalities of different people and makes you appreciate that we are not all the same. We learn to accept and love.
Now when the going gets rough, it is still manageable. When people so close move away, or choose paths that may push you further away from their priority list, or die, it is tragic and heart wrenching but it is still not the end of the road. Sometimes we understand why it is so and give them their space, sometimes we get angry and demand answers. When we hear their side of the story, most often we realise that they had their issues and everyone needs space. With death, it is much easier because you have great memories to live by and you can't really be cross with someone who is dead, no :)
The worst way a relationship can go is come to an ABRUPT halt! I know that all relationships are not meant to last but it is easier to go through such break ups when there is communication. All it takes is one line of explanation. But I have experienced this twice in my life, when people, close people just stopped talking, communicating and boy! it is frustrating, annoying and simply irreconcilable. It is like leaving you hanging in mid air. You don't know what to think, you don't know if you should be angry or just give the person his/her space. You don't know if you should wait or go discuss. But I think over time, a long period of time, you forget and forgive. Probably that's the only way to deal with such situations.
Have any of you experienced this kind of "breaks"? Tell me how you dealt with it or are still dealing with it...
1 comment:
Hi Rathi, beautifully written, I'm proud that at this younger age you try to understand the intricacies of relationships and pain and agony that went through especially of abrupt halt in relationship. I could only think of two reasons, if introspection of oneself don't reveal any obvious omission from one side. The reasons could be, 1. One has raised in social stature the earlier meek voice has become stronger and it threatens the other side of the fading influences that could exert on you. and 2. Differing from the views and express what you feel frankly could make them nervous as the begin to realize that you have an independent view and may prove that you are more intelligent unknowingly. Besides the strongest reason why most relationships go sore as inadvertently we pass a remark which could hurt them and most of them don't forget and relationship remains strained and even if you express regrets and try to explain offhanded remarks which casually has come and no importance. Such remarks have come because of proximity of relationship and taken a bit of freedom.
- Dr Sudhakar
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