The Year This Is

 

The year this is

I cannot

I can-not

I choke on my thoughts

I sob in my head

Everything runs amok

When I think of people

I love and I care

this world that I share

Who's it going to be?

Who will be next?

Soon they will choose

Who should it be?

Do the math in your head

x, y or z

You are already a statistic

But even so,

How have you been living?

Are you worth saving?

I know, it is tragic

But there is no shame

Those who have to choose

I cannot blame

They are so brave

to dive right in

to risk everything

to bring back that poison

into their lives, their living rooms

day in and day out

This is war

of a different kind

There is an enemy out there

and there will be one in your head

there can even be one that will make you starve

whatever it is, don't give up

Staying put is one way to fight

in this moment that's what it takes

But then, there is one more thing that each of us can do

Harden yourself

Toughen your spirit

If at all anything will save you

it is your WILL

the will to live

the will to fight

the will to not give up

even when death is creeping up on you

with all its might...

-Rathi Sudhakara

How quirky can USA get?

The strangeness factor in America (when I say America, I mean United States of America) is everywhere. For a foreigner it is sometimes funny, sometimes outrageous and sometimes downright annoying! Without labelling the quirks, I am going to go ahead and simply list them.

To turn on a switch, you have to lift it up.
Turn the key in the anticlockwise direction to lock and clockwise to unlock.
Except at homes, the doors have to be pulled outwards by someone trying to enter. I still stand outside restaurants or stores and try pushing the door!
Candy means chocolate and jelly means jam.
No tissues, only paper towel.

In restaurants, there is the appetizer, which is the appetizer and then entrée, which is the main dish, generally a protein and sides which are carbs (like rice, bread, pasta) and vegetables. You will always be served water with ice or ice cold water. Every step of the way you can customize your food, like if you order a steak then you can ask for it to be rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well done. If your appetizer is a salad, you can choose from 20 different dressings. Your sides can be salted, not salted, peppered, not peppered, cooked or not cooked. Of course your drink will only have about a hundred or so ways in which it can be served. The drinks generally don't have size small, starts with medium, large, extra large and free refills. If at all you find small it will be about 700ml or so.

I am not going into coffee ordering right now because I'm not much of a coffee drinker. For those ardent lovers who want to learn, http://www.wikihow.com/Order-at-Starbucks

Mandatory 15-20 % tip at the end. You ask for the check ( by the way they don't do cheQUE, only check, even for the bank document) and pay by bills or card.

Vehicles are left hand drive and if you come from a right hand drive country, it will take a while to get used to driving or even catching buses. Chances are you will be standing on the wrong side of the road to take a bus! Highways are freeways and on freeways, you don't overtake but pass. This had me confounded. The sign generally reads, stay on right except to pass. It took me forever to figure this because in the rest of the world, you let others pass.

Fill gas, not petrol in gallons, not litres(which is liters, by the way. Like centre is center here). Measure distances in miles, weight in pounds and temperature in Fahrenheit.

Shopping is complex and time consuming. For instance you have to choose from thirty different types of bread, jams, eggs, cheeses, meat, fish, cookies (biscuits that are sweet), crackers (biscuits that are salty), snacks like chips, nachos, tortillas, salsa, hummus, cakes. There is also the organic and non organic. Everything comes in a multitude of varieties.
To find your size of clothing or shoes is nothing short of completing a course in college, which by the way is called school. No items in a grocery store will have prices on them and they change every week! To keep track of your spending becomes a real challenge.

The national sport is football, in which by the way the ball is never ever kicked.
Standard voltage in homes is 110V.
Format for writing date is mm/dd/year and this always messes up my circuitry!!

As abruptly as I started, so I end. I am not sure if every foreigner finds most of the above listed different. Maybe you can add to the list if I have missed any.


 

Turning 30 - Isolated in the crowd!

There is so much hype around this number 30! Frankly, for me it is just a number and that is how I have always seen age as. BUT I agree that thirty feels different. I don't know if I can attribute the feeling to the number because I presume for some this feeling can come earlier and for some later. Do read and let me know if it is the magic of thirty or not! Before I describe this feeling, I must write a little something about the decade that went by.

Twenties for me was all about recklessness, carefree abandon, over confidence, losing myself, finding meaning and self evaluation. I started by actually believing that the world is my oyster and there is nothing that can stop me from getting my pearl! The first few years were glorious, in me finding a field of work that I loved, flirting and dating, tasting independence and spreading my wings so to say. But then the next few years were challenging because I was at a vulnerable age where although I thought I was confident and head strong, others' opinions mattered.
My decision to get married was where it began. It happened so fast that although I was aware of my intentions, I was not ready for it. It is a different thing that I now realize one is never really ready for marriage. Back then, the toll of that relationship was sometimes unbearable and I blamed myself for getting into that situation. I think the crux is that marriage is always about the big picture but in your twenties the small picture is of utmost importance. And this conflict can be all consuming. To add to that there is all this pressure you feel of performing to the expectations of your family, your spouse, your friends, your colleagues, the media (yes, you read that right) and yourself!

When I decided to quit my job and move with my husband it was a blasphemous thing to do from where I came from. I did it because I just thought that this relationship means more to me than my job and I am smart enough to land another job. So I did and it was good but then came the biggest bummer when again I quit to raise my son. That was hard, really hard. My family, my colleagues, my friends, every article I read laughed at the prospect of a young smart woman staying at home to raise her child. Of course stay at home moms are sugar coated and projected as heroes but trust me, being one, one can clearly read the undertones of such statements!

But I held on to my decision and I knew I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course I had my bad days where in I saw how I had thrown away a most promising career, I was reduced to a mere 'house wife with no financial independence' as stereotypical as it may sound and there was no way of going back to what I was. I had my good days too where I cherished being with my son and realized what is important to me may not be the norm but who cares. These were the years that I also began reflecting on life and self evaluating.

It is human nature to glorify one's own standards and that is how I began. (Note: That is a great way to start ) I started to see all the positive things in the decisions I had taken and even though I was acutely aware or made aware of my follies I either ignored them (if they deserved that) or acknowledged them and started making amends. Personally for me, a regular 'job' lost its meaning. I didn't see any point in slogging myself to death trying to fit in the vicious economy AND shoulder the responsibilities of my family. This was not a constant feeling of course. Often I would be lured by the prospect of making money and getting a break from raising a family and more importantly craving for that 'equality' at home and then when I would put myself in the shoes of a working mom, I would feel lost thinking if my son won't have me when he needs me the most what was the point of having him and how will I ever answer myself that I felt it was important to go out and make money ( which I don't really need) by marketing products that most people anyway don't need as against being with my son and moulding him in his most vulnerable years! The battle still continues and there is no easy answer but I have made my peace. Life is long, certainly not short. I can attain so many skills and enjoy my family now. There is a good division of labor at home now and to tilt that balance will take a toll on all of us. In the meantime I should be prepared for that time in future when the balance will tilt on its own :)

At thirty, I think the one feeling that dominates the most is that of quiet self assuredness. I strongly no longer feel answerable to anyone. I know what I want from my life and even if I don't, I want to figure it out myself. I know the few people who I will seek opinions from but I strongly feel those few will reduce to 'none but me' in the next few years :) That is what turning thirty means to me.

 

A Year in Seattle

Soon, it will be a year since we moved to Seattle. This is my story of what I experienced living in Seattle. It is about the people, the place, the systems, the seasons and the similarities, the differences, the mundane, the shocking, all wrapped in one.

Hope, is the word that has resonated many a time in the past one year. That it did purely because life in the northwest exhibits a cycle of life that can be so vividly felt and experienced. Summer, autumn, winter and spring, they bring alive the waxing and waning rhythms of life so well that one cannot help but see hope everywhere. How everything that is bright and shining in summer, fades in autumn, then crawls inwards in winter and come spring, bounces back to life. From birds, animals to plants. Just seeing this is so invigorating. It is like being born every year and it can only mean one thing, every year is a new chance to start afresh!

The people, I am still figuring that one. There are times I feel, we are all similar. We have the same anxieties, trepidations, we rejoice for the same reasons. The mixture of behaviors is the same, some competitive, some withdrawn, some exuberant, some pensive, some lonely, some with lovely families. Friendships and relationships can be built if you find similarities in interests and make the effort. It is such a great place to learn about so many cultures of the world, starting with the American. Just hearing so many languages being spoken around is somehow so exhilarating.

But the biggest differentiator is the law, the system. People respect it and actually fear it. That makes them behave differently. They are so bound by rules and the consequences can be so detrimental, that invariably they are cautious. In any professional context, like in a school, workplace, restaurant, if you are looking for an apartment or any other similar situation, conversations will always be held with the thought that one does not want to end up saying something that can get them sued! It is true and this can be a bit confusing and annoying sometimes. Be wary, the subtleties of reading between lines and reading expressions is something you will have to learn. The other factor that also probably is the reason for their extreme vigilance is that this place is an amalgamation of so many cultures. One can easily offend someone unknowingly and so it is better to err on the side of caution. On the other hand, I was also shocked to see rules being broken like littering, spitting and minor brawls in public. You know, we think that never happens in America ;) Well, humans are humans!

It is interesting to also see how people from almost every country in the world live alongside each other yet form groups or friends within their nationality mostly. Then there are Americans with lineages from so many countries and you can never figure that out unless you get to know the person. In fact every American loves to identify as 1/8th this, 1/4 that and 5/8th that!!!! It can be confusing in the beginning but it is so intriguing and amazing actually. It is a rarity to find someone who is one hundred percent a certain ethnicity!

I can't end this paragraph without talking about, value of a human life or life in general. This is a bit of conundrum actually. I am still trying to figure out how it came to be. For instance wild life, pets and people are so precious here that the government takes extreme steps to take care of them. Safety is of utmost importance and everything is designed with that in mind. National parks are preserved and rescue systems are so efficient. Even minute things are meticulously planned. Signs that will do all the thinking for you are ubiquitous. That is one side of the coin, the flip side is they just don't value the life that actually sustains us, food. The way they grow crops on such a large scale or raise cattle is short of being repulsive. The sheer quantity of food everywhere is shameful. From serving portions in restaurants to portions that are sold in stores are clearly meant to encourage obesity and wastefulness. It is simply not normal for an average healthy human to consume so much. Further on the gross treatment of cattle or fish is so lowly, I sometimes can't believe that this is part of the same system. In the name of making life easy everything is packaged, frozen or ready to eat. Then there are these movements now, of growing and eating local, organic, I mean, it sounds so ludicrous sometimes. The idea is great but that is another extreme of growing so little and making it a fad than some real innovation which can change the way people, of all economic backgrounds, think and consume food. Someone really needs to step in and change that in this country. Seriously they need to reinvent food here.

Moving on, coming from such a diverse country as India, I have to add this tiny bit. I haven't travelled much but the little that I have, the homogeneity is surprising. The roads, the outlets, the language, the food are more or less the same. Yes, I know there are differences too but it is so little that as an Indian I feel something missing :) The accent may be different, they may have slightly different cuisines but culturally they are more or less the same. They dress alike, they speak the same language, they celebrate the same festivals. Of course, I maybe wrong here as I have not travelled much. But at least the system is everywhere. The same garbage trucks, the same school buses, the same grocery outlets, the same road signs. Even in the remotest corner, they will be part of the same system. The best part of that system, the public libraries. You have to experience it. The sheer number of books at your disposal, heaven on earth! What does change? Landscapes, beautiful, diverse and preserved so well.

A friend observed that the greatness of this country is in its ability to plan for its citizens for the next hundred years or more and another friend noted that the only mismatch is that the citizens don't plan their lives for more than a day :)

They call this place the land of opportunities. That is true, they sure have avenues to learn and practice every conceivable profession. But I would also say it is the land that teaches you to be competitive, confident, ambitious and entices you to join the rat race. If you love that, you can make it big, really big. Else you can still live a decently good life and work hard to stay in the game.

Finally, I really don't miss anything from India! There are more than plenty Indians and anything that you can buy in India, you can buy here. What I sorely miss, family, friends in India and mangoes ;)

The TRUTH about exercise!

I don't know where to begin. I have so much to say about this.

As a kid, my mom would always complain that I am never at home and am too much on the streets doing crazy things like climbing trees or playing in the sand or falling and getting hurt. I loved being outside, running and playing and then it all changed! I began to feel that the mind is the most powerful and I need to do all that I can to realize my mind's potential. So I began to read a lot, try to learn a new language and what not. Of course along the way I got a job, got married, had a son and physical activity took a backseat. I still cared about my body and did some form of "exercise" on and off. But I began to philosophize much more about how the human mind works and that was very intriguing. I thought it was all in the mind and cultivating my will power was of utmost importance.

However in the last few months, I have discovered or should I say rediscovered a few things. I still feel that in a person, the mind is the epicenter but the body is crucial too. What the body does when trained and cared for is elevate the mind to the next level. What I am saying is nothing new and I am sure lots of you out there already experience it and probably know much more than I do but like they say, some things are as old as the universe but every time you feel it as an individual, it is a brand new feeling. It is such a powerful experience that I think it is worth sharing.

I read this book called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach where in one part she talks about how one should be acutely aware of what is happening in every single part of your body. So that was the beginning of my mind connecting to my body. When in yoga, we do shavasana, we do the same thing, become aware of each and every part of our body. In the book, she says it is important to create that awareness often because it is like a window that will open you to yourself and lead the way to opening your mind too. One line in the book that resonated so much with me is that the universe/life moves through your body and you as a person have no boundaries. You are so much a part of this world that is a continuum where nothing begins and nothing ends.

It so happened that as I started reading this book, around the same time, I started running. Running opened me up in so many ways. The truth about exercise that I want to share is that unless you push yourself so much that you feel your heart can no longer be in your chest, that your legs will give away anytime now, that every breath is like your first breath in this world, IT IS POINTLESS!
It may seem like a bit of an exaggeration, it is NOT. Earlier when I have exercised by doing yoga, dancing or walking, I never pushed it to the extreme, that is "my extreme" (you will know when it is extreme for you ;) ). Before I go on, yoga is different. For lack of a better word, it is spiritual in that you won't feel your body being pushed to extremes but your mind will be. Any other physical activity like running, brisk walking, dancing, aerobics, gym-ming, you can feel it. With running, I did and that takes you to a different plane altogether. I have been running for not more than four weeks and if I feel this way in such a short period of time, I can't imagine how it must be for people who have been doing some such form of 'pushing' for a long time.

I get a kick when I have caffeine in the morning, a big one because I rarely drink any. Running does that, multiplied 100 times! Only when you push so hard, you get a high, else it is true that you will feel lethargic and shrunken for the rest of the day. It is funny how the body is made, when you tire it out and give it 30 minutes to recuperate, it gets back with high energy that will last for days and that too in such a way that you are energized till night and then you sleep like a baby and next day you want to get up and push yourself to be energized again. With any other drug, it will mess up your master clock/ biological clock by getting you elevated for the whole day and night, so you can't sleep and the next morning, you reach for it again to mess up your sleep cycle forever but exercising will set it just right.

The best thing to do is to balance the body and the mind, I just hope I have the motivation to keep doing it!

Top 5 American Television Series

Well, we moved to our apartment, I had a ton of time on hand and my dear husband got us Netflix. That's it, I never knew that streaming media could have such profound effects on my serotonin levels. Of course I was going through 'what I should do with my life' syndrome and as is common with me, I wanted to sometimes just not think about it. And this began my binge watching time and binge watch I did! I got addicted and as with all addictions, I didn't want to talk about it but secretly fed the addiction with more and more screen time. Finally I did get away from it, not completely ;) but whatever I watched I loved it! Now, don't go binging but if you want some mental stimulation, some thrill, some fun, then here's my list.

Damages

Legal thriller starring Glenn Close and Rose Byrne
Brilliant plot, fast paced and slick!

Revenge

Drama, thriller starring Emily VanCamp and Madeleine Stowe
Rich lifestyles, political drama, personal tragedy and revenge!

Suits

Legal drama starring Aaron Korsh and Patrick Adams
Handsome and intensely intellectual men and subtle humor

Lie to me

Psychological crime drama starring Tim Roth
English accent and humor, interesting science and good storyline

Switched at birth

Good ol' family drama starring Katie Leclerc and Vanessa Marano
Teen drama, Spanish romance and interesting storyline

Highly overrated series according to me - Breaking Bad
Crime drama starring Bryan Cranston 
I couldn't watch beyond three episodes! But so much has been said and written about it, I am going to give it another shot.

So -so series - Good Wife
Political and legal drama starring Julianna Margulies
Not very fast paced and predictable

In my list -

House of Cards
Political drama adapted from a British series starring Kevin Spacey

Yes Minister and Yes, Prime minister
Satirical political British drama

I am severely partial to British shows, series and humor. So listing a few of my all time favourites.

Sherlock
British crime drama starring Benedict Cumberbatch
Obviously, no introduction needed!

Hercule Poirot
British crime detective series starring David Suchet
Again, no introduction needed.

Fawlty Towers
British comedy starring John Cleese and Prunella Scales
Be ready to fall off the chair or sometimes just that feeling that spreads in your chest when the humour is subtle

Fry and Laurie
British comedy starring Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie
What can I say!

Monty Python
British comedy starring John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones and Michael Palin
:D :D :D




 

A strange love story!

It is that time of the year when somehow the so called "civilized", "connected" and "uber-educated" world comes together to celebrate a primal, almost spiritual feeling called love. It is very impressive indeed because in this world where there is no room for life, no time for feeling, no thought for existence, there is a day, a whole day dedicated for the celebration of love.
On this day, I humbly request you to think about love, a love of a different kind. I am talking about the one that has caused our very existence possible, the one that cannot but leave you breathless, the one that has inspired life forever. I am in awe and want you to stop and feel it. I bet once you experience this love you will never get enough of it.
This is all about our intertwined destinies, ours and that of NATURE! This world is full of unbelievable creatures, unimaginable landscapes, undiscovered ecosystems. We only have to stop for a minute and look around us, from the tiny insects to the behemoth mountains, there is so much going on outside the realm of human life. We are so caught up with 'our lives' we have seriously forgotten that we are a byproduct of nature and an integral part of it.
My three year old has no clue how vegetables or milk reach supermarkets. For that matter, I learn something new everyday, about maybe how orca whales have greater emotional quotients than humans or how plants have 'brains' too, in that they communicate with other plants, share resources and protect disadvantaged ones. Most ancient cultures held nature in high esteem and appreciated the fact that other living creatures, rivers, mountains and forests were essential for our wellbeing. To a large extent, man has 'conquered' nature or so we think but this quiet force when is unleashed upon us, we are nothing but specs of sand that get blown away.
There is only so much in the form of resources for us to consume. All this money, economy, fame, power really makes no sense! Why do we live, you ask? Well, I think just to experience this life is a gift. I know that we can't 'live' without money, a job and skills but in the realm of it all, don't forget how AWESOME this world is. There is always hope and I hope we as a race get our priorities right, for the sake of ourselves and our children. You only get one life to express your love towards the world as a whole, so go for it!